FEBRUARY 4th, 2025

Hi, it's Delta! I'd like to be able to keep this thing up at least relatively consistently. Maybe once a month.

When I was a kid, I kept a hardcover journal with blue and yellow butteflies on it. I kept it pretty consistently for half a year, only to forget about it, and then do another few entries months or even years later. This eventually turned into a constant conversation with myself-- like those 'ask your future self 10 questions' essays they make you do in grade school except constantly over the course of my life. There's notes in there from my 13 year old self directed at my 9 year old self, and then my 17 year old self chimes in with his input, and every so often I go back and update it as my current self, adding notes here and there as an update. I hope one day there'll be notes spanning decades. It's a really important book to me-- no matter how embarrassing it was looking back, it's made me learn that no matter what, in a few years I'm always gonna look back and cringe; so why not enjoy the moment and not worry about it?

It's so easy to look back, and try to lose yourself in the past. Putting together the art gallery for this site has really immersed me in those feelings-- when I was a teenager who didn't know any better, all the way up to now, where I know only marginally better. Sometimes I miss the groups I was in, and then I remember "Hey, wait, some of the people there were really MEAN to me" and then I don't feel like that anymore. It's so easy to forget, though. They say the brain is hardwired to mainly remember negative experiences as a form of protection so we can be better judges in the future, but then why is it also so easy to get blinded by nostalgia? I guess it was formative... I'm just thankful I have friends now that are better at communicating and setting boundaries with me.

It snowed a lot yesterday, and it's still snowing now. I had to work an eight hour shift at my job yesterday, because my coworker couldn't show up-- the buses were all out...! That sounds bad, but I actually really enjoy my day job. It's a handcraft studio, which is already very fun, and there's all sorts of cute decorations and crafts to make. The whole store is very colourful. When it's quiet, I can work on handcrafts as samples, and it's quiet a lot, since the mall it's in is pretty empty most of the time. Which means my job is about 75% doing crafts and painting. I still can't believe I get paid for it. I just hope the job lasts a while; because I don't really know how sustainable the company is. I'd like to work there for at least a year, because I love doing it. I was kind of hoping I'd get called in to cover today, because it's still snowy, but I guess the buses are running again. Oh, well.

I hope this lasts. I've been really happy lately, but it's hard to shake that anxiety of 'But how long will it last?' I'm trying to live in the moment more, and not worry about what might happen tomorrow. It's good to plan, but forgetting to enjoy what you have because you're so worried about losing it is no way to live!

I'm working on my site more today. Can we play video games later?

SONG OF THE DAY